Sunday, December 27, 2009

Happy Holidays

Hello everyone and happy holidays. It has been a while since I've added an entry and I apologize for that. I've been caught up in the holidays, work, the mister and the King but I'm here now. I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I sure did. Although Santa did not bring all that I wanted, being able to give the people in my life all the things that they want was priceless. Seeing everyone else smile from my act of giving is what Christmas is all about. Most years I am the one receiving all the things that my heart desires but this year it felt better to give.

As the end of 2009 quickly approaches I hope that we all take the time out to Thank God for allowing us to make it this far. There were so many people that did not make it so for that we are truly blessed. There may be somethings (people, material things, attitudes and bad habits) that we all need to leave in 2009 because they may be holding us back from achieving greatness. I am not the type to make New Years Resolutions because they fail by my birthday which is Jan. 17th by the way. LOL So instead of making a New Years resolution let's just try to achieve greatness. Let's leave all negativity in 2009 and just look forward to another year of success. We can't control what didn't happen in 2009 but you can plan for 2010. So to all my readers let's strive for Greatness in 2010 Know that we are too Blessed to Be Stressed. Happy New Year's !!!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Story continued...

I run to the kitchen and grab a hammer. It was the only thing that I saw at the time. When he runs in the kitchen after me, I throw the hammer and it graze the side of his face. He turns and looks at me. I know that he is gonna kill me....

Well as you can see, he didn't kill me. I am still living to tell you all my story. I really don't remember what happened after that. It was like he was a different person in the kitchen. He just turned and walked away. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in for the rest of the night. But I was armed with bleach and cleaning supplies in case he wanted to try anything.

But he didn't.

The next morning he sat outside the bathroom door and cried for me to forgive him. He said that he did not know what happened to him and that he really needs help. I sat on the other side of the bathroom door and cried as well. I cried because as I looked in the mirror, out of my right eye because the left was closed shut, all I could see was a monster. I also cried because I knew that he needed help. He was a mess and there was nothing that I could do that would make him change. After about 30 mins of the crying I asked him to take me home. The entire ride home I sat in the back seat because I was too scared to sit next to him. I had never been so afraid of anyone in my life.

I know you all thinking that this must have been the last time I even spoke to this man but honestly it wasn't. We ended up being together for 2 1/2 more years. In that time I became a very angry and violent person myself. Whenever I thought that he might consider putting his hands on me, I would try my best to beat the shit out of him first. I can say that since that day at his mom's house he never hit me again because I was like a demon or a ticking time bomb. But he did hit the chick that he was cheating on me with. She called the police on him and he was locked up for like 2 days. The judge sentenced him to like a year of probation, 6 months of community service and anger management. He really needed that anger management because obviously he didn't learn his lesson.

That was 6 years ago since he hit me and exactly 4 years since I left him. And it feels good to say that I am a survior. I wrote this blog to help anyone that may be in a situation like mine. I know that it is hard and you don't want to tell anyone because they will judge you. But you have to tell someone. If they don't know then they can't help. I regret not saying anything because I could have prevented all of these things from happening to me. If they hit you once, they will do it again and again. There is never a reason for anyone to put their hands on you.

And to all my friends, don't feel bad because you were not able to stop this from happening to me. Or because you were there while it was happening. That was not your fault. I was younger back then and afraid of what you all might think of me. But I am older now and I'm a stronger person because of it. Let's not let this happen to anyone else you may know. Even if they don't want to hear what you have to say, we have to help them get out of this BAD situation. Because they may not be as lucky as me to live and tell their story. Domestic violence is not OK and it is every one's business.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

My Story

OK so we are back to all the hype about the Rihanna & Chris Brown incident again. For some this situation is just that of teenage love but for me, it is way deeper than that. I mean this is coming from someone that has been there and done that. Let me start by saying this, Violence is wrong in all ways, shapes and forms. It is not okay to put your hands on anyone point blank period.

This is my story and it all started 7 years ago. It was my sophomore year at FAMU. I began dating this guy. We will call him C.F. Things were perfect between the two of us. We spent all our time together. Him and I were so in love. Spring semester was coming to an end and I was going home for the summer. The night before I left he came over to spend some time with me. While he was there I was packing my stuff & we were trying to have enough sex to last us for the entire summer. LOL Well around 2am I began putting my clothes in my suitcase. He started going through my stuff. He would take out different clothing and ask me why I'm taking this and that? Am I trying to wear for my N-word in Miami? And I was like No babe. We might go out and I just want to be prepared. He started getting mad and was throwing my clothes all over the room. I am on the bed crying and begging him to stop. Trying to make him understand that I wasn't going home to be with anyone. Well the more I cried the angrier he became. He tried to leave and I was trying to stop him.

That is when it happened... He slapped the SHIT out of me. I mean he hit me so hard I fell back onto the bed. At this time I stopped crying out of shocked of what had just happened to me. I could not believe he hit me. Why would he do this to me? I mean it was only a disagreement. Once he realized what happened he tried to hold me and was apologizing for what had happened. He was telling how sorry he was and that he did not mean to hit me. As he held me, I cried on his shoulders. HE PROMISED ME THAT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. I believed him and we finished packing my stuff and made sweet love until it was time for me to catch my flight home.
Time went by the summer had come and gone. Now it was Fall Semester and C.F. and I were still together. Things were a little rocky now. He had been cheating but I just could not let him go. One night after the club I was over his house. He had been drinking and someone (The chick he was cheating with) told him that I was in the club dancing on some dude. As soon as I walked in the house the argument began. He was going on and on about how I can't be trusted. He said that I was acting like a Hoe by being all up in some N-words face when I was suppose to be his girl. The moment he said I was acting like an HOE I got defensive and started cursing his ass out. We went back and forth for a while and it happened again.
POW!!! He slapped the shit out of me AGAIN!!! I cried and screamed but you said you would never hit me again. YOU PROMISED!!! I was so hurt. Not because he hit me but because he broke his promise to me. He tried to apologize and console me but I was done. I got all my stuff and left. That night I cried myself to sleep. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at my swollen lip and just cried.

I could not tell anyone. I didn't want to tell anyone because in my heart I loved him and I wanted to believe that he would never hurt me like that again. That next day I stayed home from school because I didn't want anyone to see me like that. I didn't want anyone judging me or telling me how stupid I am for letting him hit me. They don't know me or our life together. C.F. Had been calling me all night and day but I would not answer. Not because he hit me but because he broke his PROMISE to me. We finally talked a couple days later. He was outside my apartment with Flowers, fruits and a card. I let him in and we talked about everything. He apologized again and said that he was going to seek help. That was Fall of 2002.

We continued to date and he continued to cheat. But I was on some at least I'm his main chick. Ha!! That was dumb but I was younger back then. Now it is the End of Spring 2003. His homeboys just graduated from FAMU & they are having a party in Thomasville, Ga. My crew and I decide to drive to Thomasville for the party. I knew that C.F. would be there but I had on the shortest dress I could find but hell I was cute. When we walked in, I could see that he had been drinking but I went over and said hi. He told me he liked my outfit and that he would be watching me. I laughed and walked back over to my friends. We started drinking and was having a good time. I was on my best behavior because I knew that him and his friends were watching me. As the night was coming to an end, he texted me and asked if I was coming home with him because his mother was out of town. I was like ok that is straight with me. I drove with my friends until they there were comfortable enough to make it back to Tally. When I got in the car with C.F. he asked me if I needed anything. I suggested that we go to Walmart so that I can get a tooth brush and some undergarments. By this time it is like 3am. We are on our way to his mom's house and my phone rings. I look at the caller id and send it to the voicemail.
C.F. Who dat?
Me: My Friend
Him: What friend? Why can't you answer the phone?
Me: It's no one important. The phone rings again.
Him: Answer the phone.
Me: No
He grabs the phone and answers it. I start looking out the window wishing I would have went home with my friends. I hear him on the phone going off. Who the F is this? Why you calling my girl this late at night? What the F you mean she your girl? N-word don't call my girl again? He hangs up. I am still looking out the window. Him: Oh so you got another N-word.
Me: No I don't. What the hell are you talking about?
Him: Man don't F-ing lie to me. This N-word just told me you was his girl.
Me: Whatever you don't have to believe me. I ain't got POW!!! He slapped the shit out of me. I'm screaming "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?" He hits me again and again. I am crying. I can't see. I am trying to jump out the truck. He keeps hitting me. We finally pull up to his mom's house. He jumps out with my phone and my purse. I lock all the doors and jump in the back of the truck. He has the keys and he is mad as hell. I have blood every where. I can not see out my left eye. He opens the doors and tells me to get the hell out. But I will not move. I refuse to move. He goes around to the back of the car and I climb back over the seat to get the hell out the car. I can't let him take me in this house. He is going to kill me if I do. I jump out the car and start to run. I am screaming and he is getting pissed off even more. I am praying that someone hears me and can save me from this mad man. But they don't and he catches me. He drags me back to the house and he beats my ass some more. By this time I can't take anymore and I realize that I have to kill him before he kills me.

I run to the kitchen and grab a hammer. It was the only thing that I saw at the time. When he runs in the kitchen after me. I throw the hammer and it graze the side of his face. He turns and looks at me. I know that he is gonna kill me....

Friday, October 30, 2009

Send me a picture

"Drink all day, smoke all night, let's get it poppin. I'm in Miami Trick" My phone rings. Looky here I got a text message and it reads... "Can you send me a picture?" *blank stare* Now on Twitter we just had a trending topic about #textdatgetsnoreply and this was probably #1. Are you serious? Can you get a picture? Picture of what? My Halloween costume? My son? My car? What the hell is it that you want a picture of? Then I look at he time and it 2:19am. Do you know what time it is? Why the hell are you texting me at 2:19am asking me for a picture? What makes you think that I'm up this time of night anyway? You have got some nerve.
I throw the phone down on the bed and continue to blog when yet again, "Drink all day, smoke all night, let's get it poppin. I'm in Miami Trick" My phone rings. I pick the phone up and its a text message again but this time I am in for a surprise. The text reads... "I know that you got my last text and ignored my request so I decided to send you a picture. Hope that you enjoy it. Good Nite" So I scroll down to view the picture and oh was I in for a surprise... I could not believe my eyes. It was picture of a
Marc Jacobs handbag.

Below the picture read "It should be there in the next 2-3 days." Love The Mister!!!! OMG how I love that man. He knows what I like.. yes he does. And the next time he tells me to send him a picture I will send whatever he likes *wink,wink*

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

In the Beginning

I can remember it like yesterday. Dec. 3rd, 2005. I was leaving Sams Club with my mom and grandma. The entire time we were at Sams my mom was talking about Lemon Pepper chicken from Wing Stop. By the time we left Sams I was annoyed and just wanted to hurry up and get her some damn chicken. Well we arrived at Wing Stop and I went inside to place the order. As I walk in there was only one thing on my mind and that was getting this lady her chicken and getting the hell out of there. I walked in and went straight to the counter to place my order. I had no idea there was someone sitting there waiting for their order. After I placed my order I turned around to have a seat and there he was.
Him: "Hi"
Me: "Hey"
Him: "How are you"
Me: "Fine"
Ok so I was really short with the man because damn I was looking a mess. I came out the house with some sweat pants and a over sized T-Shirt. I had on my glasses and my hair was in a ponytail. So I know he wasn't trying to talk to me. Ugh! Back to the Convo...
Him: My name is Troy. What's your name?
Me: Chay
Him: Are you from here?
Me: Yes I live in the city but I just moved back down from Tally.
Him: Oh really you went to school up there?
Me: Yeah I went to FAMU.
Well the conversation went on and on from there. We talked for about 15 mins. Within that time I had managed to tell him that I studied Elem Education and Psychology and wanted to write a book and become a sex therapist.

I think at that time he asked me for my number. I gave him the house phone number.
Then he left as I sat there waiting on my food. Once the food was ready I went back out to the car to tell my mom about how pissed I was that she made me come to Wing Stop looking a mess. I also told her that this guy name Troy was in there trying to talk to me. She laughed and said maybe he would be my future husband. Ha!!! She must be silly.

Not less that 30 minutes later I received a phone call from Troy. We talked all day then that night he asked if he could come over. I was a little skeptical at first because damn he was anxious but I let him come by anyway. He came over and we sat outside and talked all night. That was almost 4 years ago & we still together. So much has happened between then and now but this is just an introduction to my relationship with the Mister. Stay tuned for all the details and events that lead up to know. 4 years and a 2 year old later.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Tag! You're IT

Do you want to play a game?? Well too bad because you already are! Lol. I was tagged by a great bloggers~~~~~>StarrlaMonae<~~~~yeah check her out btw! Thanks! Now let's play!

The Rules:

1. Open your 1st photo folder

2. Scroll down to the 10th photo

3. Post that photo and story on your blog.

4. Tag 5 or more people

This is a picture of my son when he was 9 months old. We were at Memorial Regional Hospital with his Aunt Krissy after she gave birth to his cousin Jada Aiyanna. This was taken exactly 2 years and 2 weeks ago. Now Chrisitan and Jay Baby are two little Terrors. Double trouble when they are together. But I love them both. They are growing up to be great children. The Joys of Motherhood & Auntiehood. LOL

I don't have 5 people to Tag but if you view my blog feel free to play along. Thank you! Enjoy!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Semi- Single

When I think about my life and my relationship I always feel as if I am semi - single. I mean when I fill out any paper work it ask if I am married, single, widowed or divorced. And what do I choose??? SINGLE!!! Why is that? Because this man has not put a ring on it. When I first heard that damn Single Ladies song I thought that it was so dumb. But then I had to sit back and evaluate my almost 4 year relationship with the Mister. I mean 4 years, a son, more drama than necessary & I'm still checking off single on all my important paper work.. *rolls eyes* Something has got to give.

I know that if I planned a wedding that he would show up and marry me. But what woman wants that. I want this man to know that deep down in his heart I am the only person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I want him to decide that he wants to make me the Mrs because there is no one else in this world that he can see with that title. I want him to go to Zales and see the most perfect ring that he would love to see on my finger, purchase it and ask me to marry him. That is so not a lot to ask for. But hell 4 years later and I still just the baby mamma.

And I guess that's where the semi part comes into play. The Mister and I have lived together for 3 1/2 years. We have a 2 going on 3 year old son. Our relationship is something like that of Yvette and Jody on Baby Boy. SN: My all time favorite movie. LOL!!! If I told the Mister that I am single, he would flip his lid. I mean how the hell am I single when I lay next to him every night. How am I single when he goes to work every day to come home and take care of his family? The family in which I am a part of. How am I single when I am the mother of his son & if I listen to him, the soon to be mother of his daughter? *blank stare* What the hell do I look like?

This N-Word think I will have another baby without a ring or a change of last name? He must be stupid. What do I look like the old woman who lived in the damn shoe? If or when I have to leave his ass I would like to have the least baggage possible.

I already got one kid but then to add another would just be silly. Men might accept one but two... Nah I'm straight. He can get that baby batter until he ready to change my last name. But at this point, we are just shacking.

But to the Mister I am not single. I am not up for grabs and he wish I would tell anyone that I am. When it comes to all things IMPORTANT I AM. So this is the story of my Semi - Single life. The life of a woman that is putting in all the work for the title but is still just the BABY MAMMA. The Life a Struggles of a Semi - Single full time mother, employee and student. Stay turned for the excitement, love, and heartache of this thing called LIFE.